ugh

January 10, 2010

i’m not going to say that i’m going to write in this more. but i am going to write in it. i know nobody reads it but it’s a good outlet for me to vent to myself. and to reflect back on at a later time to see what i was thinking and doing.
and i’m really fucking good at writing.

it’s strange how i had this grand idea of what living in chicago entailed. granted, i still love living here, it’s just. different. than what you expect.
maybe it’s because i live in a neighborhood filled with yupsters and puerto rican families with not a lot of culture.
maybe it’s because this winter is killing my motivation.
maybe it’s because i work full time and am too tired to do stuff most days after work.
i’m going to continue living in this city and as time precedes and things change i feel i’m only going to get more comfortable.
which is a good thing.

i love this city.
but this winter is ruining me.
i think about moving to california more and more every day.
i have no real reason to though, outside of the cold.
i have a good life here and a job i fucking love.
i think that’s half of it, is i know i won’t find a cooler job i like so much elsewhere.
regardless, i don’t think i was really cut out to work all my life.
it’s going fine so far. but i need something that is going to allow me to live all of my dreams and TOTALLY let me do whatever i want whenever i want.

for a few months i felt kinda retarded.
time was disappearing and i felt like i wasn’t getting anything done or moving up in my life.
i don’t know what’s changed, but my mind feels a lot more active now.
i think it’s because i’m doing more stuff.
doing stuff is good.
i’ve been reading, listening to lots of new music, cooking, talking with people.
i’m still kinda weird about talking to people.
but when you’re talking with someone and it’s a good naturally flowing conversation it makes me very comfortable.
i had some mild social anxiety last year that is pretty much gone now.
it’s part of my resolution to stop taking the world so seriously.
i’m learning how humans work in a different sense.
and breaking my own bad social habits that have formed throughout my life.
it kinda makes me wonder how i interpreted the world the last 24 years of my life.
but i’m moving up and on, as i always try to be doing.
each day is a day to better myself and learn something new and do something different, and i’m really trying to stick to that.

this post was really random, but so is my life.

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