future.

i’m looking up information on a masters program at UIC for computer engineering.
i’m also listening to really good electronic music.
i know i should continue my education as it will cost me nothing.
and it would be nice having a purpose and responsibility outside of my job.
but at the same time i’m worried.
basically about how much time it will consume.
but mostly if i can do it.

just looking at this information, and thinking about what i thought my life in chicago would be like a couple years ago; makes me realize i have very little figured out.
things are very different from what i pictured they would be.
not bad, just different.

i know i want to change the world.
but i don’t know how yet.
i just wonder if more school is really the answer, as i feel i don’t even use anything i learned in my undergrad.
i’ve been getting computer certifications, so in reality, i haven’t stopped learning.
but those are quick and relatively easy and i’m really good at them.
and my work pays for it.
but at the same time i’m running out of certs to get and wonder what i can do with the ones i do have.

i don’t feel like the m-f 9-5 work week is for me.
i like staying up all night, and going out, and having fun.
i wish i could do it every night.
i listen to lots of electronic music.
and feel like it’s something i could be very very good at.
and it would entirely accommodate to my desired lifestyle schedule.
with the possibility of becoming huge and playing sick clubs all over the world.
or at the least making some new friends and playing chicago.
i’m going to my first ableton live class thursday.
i feel this will either inspire or discourage me.
as cool as that sounds, at the same time, i see how many other people are involved with electronic music and are creating it.
despite most of them being from outside the states, i see how many other people are way more into the scene than i am.

regardless, i need to make some serious life decisions very soon.
i need to decide if more school is really right for me.

so.
electronic music producer, computer engineer masters student, or network security/hacking expert?

fuck.

resolution redux.

so it’s been a bit.
i’ve been really productive lately and it feels very good.
here are some thoughts.

first – new years resolutions.

education – got network+, taking security+ next monday. been studying for the past couple days (see aforementioned productivity).
i need to talk to UIC and see what grad school is like. after i take security+ i guess that’s the next step. getting my masters is a good move i guess, even though i won’t use it, just make me more valuable at my work.

working out – been going to the gym ~2-3 times a week. i’m trying to get the motivation to go 4 times a week.

cooking – haven’t really been cooking anything big. but have been grocery shopping and have been bringing lunch to work thus saving lots of money.

babes – work in progress. after i get security+ out of the way, #1 priority.

music – i download probably around 30 gigs of new techno music a month. i listen to all of it. i’m also slowly getting back into rock music. baby steps.

tattoos – goal is to finish sleeve by summer. i have ideas for other sleeve and a few other cool things. but those need to wait.

travel – trying to orchestrate a voyage all over europe in late summer.

friends – been too busy to do stuff doing the week, still see friends on the weekends. need to reconnect with suburb friends.

business – i need to be thinking more actively.

chicago – i’ve been going out and doing stuff during the week instead of just chilling at my apartment and it feels great! need to keep this up, keep going to new places, keep exploring.

work – kicking ass, per usual. doing new things, educating myself, going above and beyond my company’s and my personal expectations.

finances – this is a tough one. i’m really good at spending money. i’m doing better at paying off my debt. major purchases are really only going to be tattoos, travel, and jet skis for summer. outside of that, no more records, minimal ebay, less eating out, being more conscious of my weekend drinking spending habits. been buying new clothes, but these are necessities, so that’s cool.
overall, not great, but definitely improving.

internet – not great, but better.

taking the world less seriously – baby steps. i need to start stepping outside of my comfort zone. all the time.

“if you keep doing what you’ve been doing, you’re going to keep getting the same results you’ve been getting”

in summary – i need to keep staying active during the week. i’ve been going to coffee shops and chilling and reading and studying. come home, chill for a bit and pass out. this is good. need to keep this up, and at the same time be thinking of ways for me to make my billions.
baby steps.

the hero appears.

good friend,
how loud do,
you want life,
to shout her,
answers in your ear.

wet hair.

she had wet hair
say what you will
i don’t care
i couldn’t resist it

these girls are raw
bikini girl
we need a ride to bikini island

we run the gauntlet
let’s get to france
so we can french kiss some french girls

life rules for the successful living of life

1. be only aware of the present moment. the now.
2. be entirely aware of your location, surroundings, all people and every physical object in the now.
3. manipulate said people/physical objects to achieve goals. always be achieving goals.
4. when talking, be thinking about everything you’re saying, what you’re going to say, and what you’re really trying to say.
5. when talking to people, observe everything they do in reaction to what you’re saying.
6. do not waste time.
7. things are only going to get done if you do them. do things.

sara says

“holy shit kevin you are the most prepared romantic ever”

drew

so my buddy drew left for iraq a couple months ago and i haven’t heard from him yet.
today i got a facebook message from him with the subject of “cougars”

“dude I’m coming home for like 2 weeks. I dont exactly know what day I’ll get to Chicago but I have an awesome idea. Alright me and you are going to dress up in like nice ass clothes and go to a cougar hangout with tons of classy ass MILFs and shit. My pick up line is going to be, “Do you know what to do when encountering a cougar in the wild, madam?” And she’ll be like, “No what?” And then I’ll be like, “You buy her a drink. Barkeep another scotch and whatever the lady is having.”
(Lol in my masturbation fantasy last night her response was do you know what to do when encountering a young buck in the wild…..you suck and fuck….but that’s kinda a best case scenario.)
Anyways, yes, you are down for this correct? Of course you are because its an amazing idea”

man, i kinda miss living with that kid

ugh

i’m not going to say that i’m going to write in this more. but i am going to write in it. i know nobody reads it but it’s a good outlet for me to vent to myself. and to reflect back on at a later time to see what i was thinking and doing.
and i’m really fucking good at writing.

it’s strange how i had this grand idea of what living in chicago entailed. granted, i still love living here, it’s just. different. than what you expect.
maybe it’s because i live in a neighborhood filled with yupsters and puerto rican families with not a lot of culture.
maybe it’s because this winter is killing my motivation.
maybe it’s because i work full time and am too tired to do stuff most days after work.
i’m going to continue living in this city and as time precedes and things change i feel i’m only going to get more comfortable.
which is a good thing.

i love this city.
but this winter is ruining me.
i think about moving to california more and more every day.
i have no real reason to though, outside of the cold.
i have a good life here and a job i fucking love.
i think that’s half of it, is i know i won’t find a cooler job i like so much elsewhere.
regardless, i don’t think i was really cut out to work all my life.
it’s going fine so far. but i need something that is going to allow me to live all of my dreams and TOTALLY let me do whatever i want whenever i want.

for a few months i felt kinda retarded.
time was disappearing and i felt like i wasn’t getting anything done or moving up in my life.
i don’t know what’s changed, but my mind feels a lot more active now.
i think it’s because i’m doing more stuff.
doing stuff is good.
i’ve been reading, listening to lots of new music, cooking, talking with people.
i’m still kinda weird about talking to people.
but when you’re talking with someone and it’s a good naturally flowing conversation it makes me very comfortable.
i had some mild social anxiety last year that is pretty much gone now.
it’s part of my resolution to stop taking the world so seriously.
i’m learning how humans work in a different sense.
and breaking my own bad social habits that have formed throughout my life.
it kinda makes me wonder how i interpreted the world the last 24 years of my life.
but i’m moving up and on, as i always try to be doing.
each day is a day to better myself and learn something new and do something different, and i’m really trying to stick to that.

this post was really random, but so is my life.

2010.

well, first off, here’s my resolutions from last year: “drink less (or at least in better moderation), smoke less, be entirely organized 100% of the time, being super productive as much as possible, thing of more things to invent or good business ideas, listen to lots more music, be more sociable to complete strangers, start working out with my friends at the gym at work, cook lots more, stop eating out so damn much, pretty much revamp my entire wardrobe, spoil myself with technology, eliminate all procrastination, save more money, start writing in this blog (any my other blog) more…”

i’ve been really good at everything with the exception of spoiling myself more and that’s due to saving/paying off my credit cards. and the blogs. i kinda miss writing in blogs and its crazy that i used to blog so much, but i’m ok with not blogging.

well, resolutions for 2010:
keep getting computer certifications or go back to school – i’m getting my network+ and security+ certifications in february. hopefully also getting my certified ethical hacking certification also. my work will pay for my masters. and i know i should do it, but i really enjoy my lifestyle and don’t want to go back to school and be even busier than i already am. but at the same time i kinda wanna do it as i hear it’s not that bad. i don’t know. we’ll see. but i should really do that soon.

keep working out – it’s good for you and makes you look better naked.

cook more – yes i’ve been better at not eating out/cooking more. it’s really good. i’m really good at making food. cooking is a very valuable life skill to have and i like learning how to cook. i would really like to be going grocery shopping like twice a week and making the most out of all my ingredients and not letting anything go to waste.

pretty girls – i recently came to the conclusion that i don’t really want a relationship right now in my life. if an extremely exceptional girl came along that could change things. but as of right now i really like not being tied down. i like going on dates with girls and talking to girls and doing things with girls. girls come and go in waves but some i keep around. i am ok with this. it’s nice knowing i am found attractive by nice smart pretty girls. i think girls are kinda weirded out by my personality at first, but after a little bit of talking get hooked on me. it’s nice. i’ve also been a lot more direct with girls. it’s kind of a social ice breaker and gets people a lot more comfortable with your true personality a lot quicker. also, being direct screens out girls that suck anyways thus eliminating any wasted time. at the same time i don’t want a relationship, i do miss the regularity of having a cool chick in my life. it’s handy to have one for things such as hangs, cooking, exploring the city, weddings, etc. and sex on the reg is a huge plus. however, i feel i kinda just want a casual psuedo relationship as opposed to a real one and see how that goes. we’ll see. whatever. this was randomly typed, but so is my life.

music – listen to more of it. this time last year i was just starting to dive into electronic music. now i’m totally into it. i want to get waaaaay more into it. and hopefully my vinyl addiction won’t get too bad, techno records are expensive. when i go to electronic music parties or clubs and see dj’s spinning, i think how awesome and easy it is and how i would really enjoy doing that. joe is buying a nice synth soon. and just set up his tables in a dj configuration. time to learn how to dj. i feel like i might get sucked into that world. and i might like it, but more than anything, be really good at it. the scene is really picking up in the states and namely chicago, hoping that it gets even better in the future.

outside of techno, i’m really seldom impressed any more. i still am really into instrumental math rock, but there’s only so many good bands for that genre. indie music is dead. or just sounding really shit. techno is the future of music.

tattoos – finish sleeve. make sure i want my other sleeve. get.more.tattoos.

travel more – i need to go to europe and japan. i will bring my snowboard.

friends – the friends that were my good friends last year are my best friends this year. i love my friends and the social life i have here. but at the same time, i enjoy meeting new cool people and hope to continue doing so. humans are the funniest things i’ve come across yet.

business – my mind has been more creative and active as of late. i get more good ideas more often. it’s quite refreshing after a period of a bit of down time. i’m sick of being only moderately successful. it is my life goal to create some amazing invention that will make the world a better place (and me super fucking rich). i need to be thinking more and be more aware of my surroundings at all times.

chicago – i love this city. however due to winter and being burned out from work i don’t really go out during the week. i need to go out and explore chicago more and take part of the awesome things that are going on all over this beautiful city.

work – i like my job a lot. i’m starting to care about it a lot. i’m really good at my job. however, there’s always room for improvement.

finances – be more reasonable with my spending, pay off credit cards. my credit card debt is just kind of a nuisance right now as i know i shouldn’t be booking trips to japan when i have billz to pay.

the internet – spend less time on it checking my facebook 2153292 times a day. instead, read.

and more than anything – learn to stop taking the world so damn seriously.

friends.

today i worked a lot which sucked.
directly after i went to one of my friends’ house who were having other friends over for a pre-thanksgiving party.
it was really great.
i’m really fortunate to have made such good friends in this city.
i was talking to someone not too long ago saying how when you get older it gets harder to make friends.
thus, people tend to stick with the people that they’ve known for a while.
i feel that i am a socially dynamic person.
thus i have found the friends that i have.

but at the same time, i feel that the people you consider you friends in your life now are the friends that you’re going to have forever.
that makes me happy.